29 Hiawatha, United States
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My self-summary
- I like to blast metal. Loudly.

- I like things more than I like people. This became very apparent to me in a recent conversation, when someone told me she loved some city in Texas because it had "attitude". But to me, Houston sounded way better, because it had the space station, and this one massive arcade (that I still want to go back to), and just had more things in general. I guess I'm antisocial at heart.

- I finally got a new digital camera, but I'm camera shy, so shoosh.

- I like piercings and tattoos, but only have one tattoo. It's of a platypus, quite lovely.

- I like video games.

- I'm awake at strange hours because of work.

- I'm a huge nerd. Huge meaning I'm a giant in the literal sense. I tower over most Iowans.

- I'm hard to surprise. I've pretty much seen it all, if I haven't already done it.

- I believe that foons are superior to sporks.

- I'm a fan of the show Metalocalypse, and have the first and second season, and the DethAlbum. And now the third season, which greatly disappointed me.

- I'm not a religious person. I don't mind being around religious people, but I will shun them if they ever try making me a believer of any sort. It's not that I have anything against religion, it's that I don't like people tromping on my beliefs, even if the belief is in nothing.

- I can NOT stand stupid people. If I think you're intellectually lacking, I will ignore you. Judgmental? Yes. Effective at making sure I don't get a headache? Yes.

- I also don't like people who don't have a twisted sense of humor. If I mention eating the hearts of orphan children, and you cringe, you're probably not someone I'd want to hang with.

- I am immensely attracted to intelligent women. If I find one that keeps up with me, or better yet, can outsmart me, I tend to be in awe.

- I constantly surprise myself with how geeky I truly am.

- I also surprise myself with how cheesy and sentimental I can be. Sometimes I'll make a statement, abruptly stop what I'm doing, and then ask if I actually just said that. The answer is, unfortunately, yes most of the time.

- Sporks rule. But foons are still better.

- I can and do cook. And I'm damn good at it, too. I love to use spice. Cayenne pepper is a staple of my diet, as are jalapenos.

- Speaking of spice, not many people can handle what I cook. Most tasters rate the experience as somewhere between lava and hellfire with a touch of antimatter.

- I'm a ninja. Most people don't ever notice me, even though I tower over them. I use this to my advantage as I ninja-body-slam them into oblivion.

- Bluegrass grates on my nerves. I actually wrote an essay for my Comp class about how much I hate my roommate (now exroommate) just for playing it. I got an A. Although, in bluegrass' defense, the man was hardly a musician to begin with.

- Dried fruits are awesome. So are trail mixes. I probably prefer snacks over actual meals.

- Popcorn is totally acceptable as a meal.

-Lately, I've been eating more veggies than anything like trail mixes. Baby carrots, and broccoli for the win.

- I can and will procrastinate at every opportunity. I even procrastinate at waking up sometimes (pronounced: All the time).

- I do NOT like to be clueless in any subject. If there's a subject I know nothing about, I'll go to pains to learn more about it just so that I don't come off as a retard. I also don't like to be regarded as inferior. I'm not dumb. If I'm clueless in a subject, don't judge me for it. Teach me. I'll appreciate you all the more for it.

- I find zombies funny, and yet, oddly superior to both vampires and werewolves. And werewolves are most certainly above vampires in the ladder of awesomeness. Lastly, werewolves do not change at will, nor control their actions while wolfed out. Vampires are not hopeless romantics bordering on stereotypical homosexuality, nor do they have super powers. I miss the older portrayals of these creatures.

- Dragons are made of more win than zombies.

- Zombie dragons? Homan, I just shuddered with the sheer awesomeness of it.

- I can be very, very predictable. I like to fall into routines, I find them comforting. If I get boring, though, feel free to throw a wrench in my gears. Mixing things up can be fun, I just find myself forgetting to do so.

- Despite falling into routines, I do like to try new things. I've learned a foreign language, traveled to many states (even on my limited budget), and I pride myself on trying most things at least once, and I like to throw my own personality into what I try, like getting a tattoo of a platypus. My motto is, and has been for years, "Try everything once. Twice if it's kinky. Three times if it's painful." Good advice to live by.

- Just as I love to try new recipes, I also love to mix drinks. I think screwing around, and finding good combinations of food/drink is awesome.

- I just found out that my firefox browser does not recognize combinations as a word.

- I'm awesome at spelling, but I'm a horrible typist because of my shaky hands, so I'm well acquainted with spell checks.

- My hands shake. Not heavily, just a small tremor that most people don't notice. However, handing me a glass filled to the rim is a bad idea. They do make for funny conversation, at least.

I am evil, maniacal, and proud
What I’m doing with my life
Currently, I do prior authorizations for peoples' prescription insurance plans. I'm also a half-time student. I just moved into another awesome apartment, with my wife, and I am involved with some interest groups, and am very happy with where my life is in general right now. Also, I do tabletop gaming. It's deliciously geeky, plus, I can actually say I'm out socializing every weekend. Even though the dice try to kill me in pretty much every campaign. They call me d4 as a nickname now. I'm busy, to be sure, but at least I'm not bored!
I’m really good at
Just about everything! No, just kidding. But what I do excel in is defusing tense situations with a wicked sense of humor. And sometimes using said sense of humor where not appropriate. Life is a learning experience, after all!

Cooking. Anymore, it's my passion in life. I continually try to learn new recipes, and polish old ones to perfection. I lean toward the spicy, but I can prepare some pretty delicious dishes that don't require red pepper. I make a mean white bean rigatoni. And jalapeno poppers. And taco bakes. And nachos. And curry. And pretty much everything under the sun. Since the only things I don't like are seafood and mushrooms, I'm pretty open to trying new things, and then cooking them myself later on.

And now, for health reasons, I'm mostly vegetarian. Mostly. I've learned some awesome veggie recipes.

Procrastinating. It's about bloody time I updated this profile!

Job hunting. Yes, it's an odd skill, but one I possess. I have had no problem finding any form of job in my entire life, even as the economy went all to hell. In fact, I was holding three jobs once while listening to my uncle complain that there were no available jobs because of the flooding and economy. I tried very hard not to laugh. In hindsight, there were no jobs available because I had them all. I'm a job hoarder.

Techie stuff. Why yes, I did build my computer. And gave it all the bells and whistles I could. And programmed some of the applications I use. Because I could.

Keeping occupied. It's an odd skill, but at least it's a good one. I always seem to find something to do. Even if that something is dancing like a mentally handicapped senior citizen.

Being persistent. I'm not one to give up easily, and that alone has huge payoffs.

Scheming. I'll take.... One BILLION dollars! *Cue music*

Budgeting. I have a fair amount of spare cash, but I was raised in a poor family. As a result, I constantly budget, see what I could improve on, and figure out exactly how much extra I'm making per month.

Walking long distances. I can drive, but I much prefer not to. One, it reduces my carbon footprint. And two, it keeps me healthy. I'm always sad to see very out of shape people get in a car so they can drive a couple of blocks down the road to the nearest whatever.

Jenga. Yeah, I have shaky hands. But I will destroy you and all you love in a game of Jenga. Do not attempt to out-Jenga me.
The first things people usually notice about me
My height. I'm gargantuan. And I keep in good shape. No, I'm not skinny, I'm actually a bit overweight for my height, but it's muscle, not fat. Which is why I still look so thin. UPDATE: My metabolism slowed, and I stopped working manual labor, so I got a little fat. But I've lost 25 pounds so far, only 10 more to go. And hell, I'm already going to the gym for cardio, when I've reached my goal weight, I'm going to try and do some strength workouts and build up some muscle again.

Another thing people notice is my voice. It's a deep bass that you'll never get tired of hearing. Unless you don't like bass. In which case, stay away from me.

My hair. It's long and amazing, and that's all there is to it.

My eyes. They actually change color depending on my mood. If you can figure out what color they turn depending on how I feel, I'll never be able to fool you. Not that I'm good at lying anyway. Pretty bad at it, in fact.

My hands. They're shaky. No, I'm not cold, nor nervous. I just have a brainwave whose timing is slightly off. Really, it looks more annoying than it actually is. I mean, come on, I can make shakes with incredible ease! And my hand is an organic vibrator!

My tattoo if I'm ever shirtless. My screenname for everything (including here, once upon a time) has been Prince Platypus for as long as I can remember. I will never outgrow the Prince.

My black coat, black gloves, lack boots, and black ski mask. In winter, I still walk everywhere. I won't rob you, but I will point and laugh at you if you get terrified of the large man in a ski mask.

A new one someone has told me is that they noticed all the hair bands on my wrists. My hair is like steel wire, really, it breaks hair bands at an alarming rate, so I wear several on my wrists as backup. However, the Mrs. now insists that I not wear them on my wrists. Apparently the markings they leave don't look good, and she's worried they cut my blood supply off. Meh.

Some people notice that I'm shy. In big gatherings, I tend to wallflower. And I don't like approaching people I don't know. I've been told I come off as not wanting company, but that's not how I really feel about company. I love to talk to new people, I'm just bad at it sometimes. If someone initiates conversation with me, they've just made an awesome new friend. One who can fix their computer. And then make them computer programs, and video games, and web pages. Because I rule.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I'm moving away from paper books, and doing a lot of my reading online these days. Among my favorite webcomics are: XKCD, Looking For Group, Collar 6, Cyanide and Happiness, and ThePocalypse. I'm always looking for something new to read, too.

Movies: I LOVE comedy movies. I like laughing, and I like hearing others laugh. I have an odd sense of humor, though. I like things like Borat, and Napoleon Dynamite. I also appreciate darker humor, like Repo! the genetic opera, and laugh at some fairly morbid things.

Music: Metal. The heavier, the better. I've also began a collection of overused songs, like the ones that seem to pop up in EVERY movie (Journey, anyone?) Also, I like oddball bands and music, like Flight of the Conchords. Business Time may possibly be my favorite song ever.

Food: As long as it doesn't make me sick, I love it. Unless it's seafood. Then I don't love it. Especially shrimp. Not the normal kind, I don't care for that, but it doesn't gross me out. I mean WHOLE shrimp. Those things are gross, and scary. I STILL get shivers when I think about them. Also, not a big fan of mushrooms, though I can just pick those out of whatever.
The six things I could never do without
This is a tough one, but I s'pose....

1. My computer. I need the internet more than I'll ever need oxygen.

2. An internet connection. See #1.

3. My cooking skills. Because I make the best food in existence, and it's cheaper than eating out all the time.

4. Porn. It's what the internet is for, after all. Also along those lines, masochists. It's nice to be able to take out a bit of frustration on someone. Or a lot of it.

5. Hot water. I loooooove hot showers. It's like a sauna when I'm done.

6. My own apartment. It's not so much that I want to get away from everyone, but I really do need some alone time. Time to gather my thoughts, and relax a little. And that's hard to do if I'm not in my own home, in my own surroundings.

And now, for my own idea!


1. Money. I love money, but sometimes I ponder what it would be like to not have a currency system. To be able to say, "I want that", and have it happen. Totally unrealistic, given how supply and demand works, but still.

2. Bad drivers. You'd be surprised to know how many times I've been close to getting hit whilst walking.

3. Bugs. Homan, those things creep me out.

4. The need to clean. Now don't get me wrong, I clean my place. But I wish I had a maid or something to do it for me. And not even the porn star version, though I'd take one of those in a heartbeat! UPDATE: Marriage is awesome! She cleans, and isn't bothered by it!

5. Awkward silences. Yep.

6. Clothes. I'm allergic, I swear.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The upcoming zombie invasion. Those things are vicious. But at least I have mastered fire, making me superior. But more importantly, zombies walk really really slow. I can walk just a little faster, asthma and all, and be fine.

Food. I'm on a diet now. I miss what I used to be able to eat. And now I have food allergies, wtf.

My friends. I cherish them. I don't have very many, but the ones I do have have been there for me through thick and thin, and I appreciate them for it.

Wondering how two really fat people do the horizontal hokey pokey. Doesn't all that belly fat prevent Tab A from actually inserting into Slot B? UPDATE: I unwillingly saw the answer to this question. My eyes, they still burn.

Daydreaming. One of many ways I keep myself occupied at all times.

Wondering why my neighbor runs so much damn water. Is he trying to drown a cat? He should use fire instead. It works wonders, even if burnt hair smells. UPDATE: It's no longer water! I don't know what the dude's doing, but it makes creaking noises ALL EFFING NIGHT! Which sounds like sex, but sex doesn't make a five minute long creak. Seriously. Five minute creak. Just one loooong creak. Done quite often. Maybe this place is actually haunted. MOAR UPDATE: Turns out it was the shitty water heater. I've moved. No more creaking. But now I'm the asshole upstairs neighbor with a loud bass.

I spend all sorts of time thinking about what new gadget I want/need. I <3 gadgets. And not always electronic ones! ...But usually those, yes.

Pr0nz. I watch it for the lulz. It's hard to find better comedy in the world. Except maybe by people watching all day. You can see some very, very strange people if you look hard enough.
On a typical Friday night I am
Ruling over the planet Mars. Or relaxing. Or partying. Or sleeping. Or cooking. Or playing video games. I dunno. Try asking me on a Friday night sometime, and I'll tell you.

I've recently acquired Fridays as a free day, and life is GOOD. But then I work on Saturdays instead.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Okay, don't go around telling everyone you know about this, but... I know the Muffin Man. And he's gotten faaaaaat. =O

Also, I want a Hatredcopter.

But in all seriousness, the most private thing I'm willing to admit (at least publicly) is that I don't like being shy. I want so much to be able to walk up to a total stranger and say hi. And much to everyone's disagreement, no, practicing will not make it better.

Oh, also, I have a stuffed Domo doll that watches over my bed. I've named him Sir Francis Drake. UPDATE: He has a disco zombie figurine friend now, I call him Disco Steve. I also have a toy owl by my computer, who is nameless, and is missing a wing because I'm cruel.
You should message me if
Actually, there is no if. Message me, or I shall imprison you on Mars, which I rule over on Friday nights. UPDATE: I forgot to watch my Mars colony for a bit. They are no more. May they rest in peace.

If you're having trouble thinking of a subject, that's fine. I struggle with that, too, so randomness is appreciated.

Message me about games if you'd like. Don't lie, I know there are women gamers out there, too (dated one or two, then I got married to one). They're pretty epic.

Message me your plan for zombie survival. My plan could use some tweaking here and there, and so could yours!

Message me with a joke, or a funny story. Especially if you know some dark jokes. One person opened up my eyes to Helen Keller jokes on this site, and that day was epic.

Message me with something new to do or try. I'm up for just about anything.

Message me with geekery. There is never a bad time for geekery.