Your OQ (Oddity Quotient) test

2. 1

   Someone moons you in a passing car, but the car stalls. It inches to a stop right next to you, the persons ass hangs shamefully out the window. You:

   Ignore this childish act, going back to whatever you were busy with before

   Laugh incessently at the poor sap, and his mishap of judgement.

   Run up and slap his ass as hard as possible, and make a funny remark at his expense. After all, his folly is now YOUR joke.

   Run up and pull him out of the car, ripping his pants off in the process. At which point you zip tie him to your mail box half naked for all to see. Sit on your porch, and watch the entire neighborhood laugh at your glorius work.

3. 2

   You meet a new coworker, who has a heavy accent of some slavic origin. You:

   Politlely stammer through conversations, constantly wondering what the fellow is trying to say.

   Ask him politley if he could speak slower, so as you are able to more readily understand him.

   Tell your boss that your father was 'killed by the commies' and you can't work with this man. Whether this works or not is completely up to how well you are able to pull off the story.

   Say in simple and plain english to the poor man "Hey Chekov, if I wanted to hear about your Nuclear WESSELLS I would climb commie mountain and live in mother russia! Jeeeez, speak-a-the english comrade!"You are promptly fired.

4. 3

   Latex is:

   A rubber, sillicone, or plastic based material used to create many wonderful products that we use today.

   Something other people wear when getting freaky.

   Like a second skin.

   What I wear to work. Also what your mom wears when she comes to 'see' me at work. Can you handle that?

5. 4

   You are caught having a 'private moment' in the bathroom while visiting your parents for the holiday. You:

   quickly try to push the door closed, and sit ashamed at yourself for an hour in the bathroom. You then exit and the rest of the weekend is filled with awkward silence and looks of shame from your parents.

   quickly try to push the door closed, but slip on a wet towel and full force hit the floor naked in front of who caught you. The rest of the weekend is filled with awkward silence and looks of shame from your parents.

   Stand awkwardly with your hands about your wedding tackle. Try to explain quickly you were only washing away an odd smell, before realizing how awkward that sounds on its own right. The rest of the weekend is filled with awkward silence and looks of shame from your parents at your now supposed lack of hygine.

   In one quick smooth movement, without missing a 'beat', you are able to deftly close the door, and 'finish' into the wet towel on the floor without making any 'mess'. Your parents buy your story about 'faling in the shower' and your weekend is filled with wonderful conversations and looks of pride from your parents.

6. 5

   A particularly rude customer at your work has gone from 0 to bitch, and is now yelling at you, calling you names, and in general being a right shit. All of this is over an supposed 'defective item' that you know for a fact they broke, and are now trying to gip the return policy. You:

   take the abuse, after all, the customer is always right. Whether it was their fault or not.

   Reach over the counter, and grab the cuff of their shirt. You pull them close and calmly explain why you know they are lying, and tell them that if they dont calm down you will make them calm down. Explain why they are a childish nit, and let go. At this point, toss the defective item back at them and tell them to go try  and return it in hell, where they belong.

7. 6

   When walking your dog one day, you notice people tend to watch in disgust when the animal 'releives' itself, you:

   ignore this, because animal or not, urination/defication is a shameful act and should not be done in public.

   Stalk those who watch in disgust, find out their address, and mail them photos of the animal pissing and shitting. This way, hopefully, they get over it. Its a DOG, it does its bussiness in public.

8. 7

   You see a turtle flipped on its back on a hot road, you:

   flip him over, and send him on his way

   Stand with your shadow over him, shading him until he is able to flip himself over.

   Take the turtle home, and eat it. After all, it has just been simmering in its own juices for the past few hours, it must be DELICIOUS.

9. 8

   You walk into a room full of people, which smells undeniably like farts. Everyone in the room is trying their best to ignore the smell, you:

   Join in the crowd, denying the existance of the smell and fit in.

   say loudly "Who farted? and what the HELL did you eat?"

   Proclaim loudly "I thought this was a party, not a funeral, so why does it smell like my dead uncle bernie in here? WHOOOOO" and then proceed to question everyone on who farted.

Go!