The "Would I Punch You in the Face if You Came to My Pharmacy?" Test

1. Hi! And welcome to my "Would I Punch You in the Face if You Came to My Pharmacy?" Test. Working at a retail chain pharmacy, I come across an awful lot of people. Since I work with the public, I come across *certain types* of people that get my spidey sense tingling. They're usually suspicious, angry, crazy, hostile, occasionally drunk, inconsiderate, or just plain creepy. And then I get to decide how to get rid of their happy asses as quickly as possible. Let's see if you're one of those jerks that needs to be poked in the eye and escorted out of the store by security for just being you.
2. 1

   You come ambling/shuffling/running up to my pharmacy during normal business hours. What are you most likely here to get?

   The phone numbers of all the ladies that work here! Except the old one. And the ugly one.

   The prescription I requested 2 hours ago. I know I said I'd be here in an hour, but I figured I'd give you guys some extra time if you needed it.

   The Xanax my doctor said they'd call in 10 minutes ago. What do you mean you haven't gotten it yet? I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO MY LAWYER. YOU PEOPLE ARE INCOMPETENT. I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE BOARD OF PHARMACY. AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

   SUDAFED!!! LOTS OF IT!!! *scratchscratch* *jitterjitter*

3. 2

   It's a weekend or a holiday, and that means that there's only going to be one pharmacist on duty all day long (usually 9-5) with one 30-minute break. You come in right at the time the pharmacist is closing the gates to go to lunch. What do you do?

   Apologize and patiently wait until the pharmacist and the staff have returned from getting the only break they'll have all day.

   Beg and plead to stay open and break into tears when you can't get your medicine right when you absolutely want it. And then threaten to transfer to an even bigger chain (that would probably give you a 3-hour wait time instead of 30 minutes).

   Complain loudly about how the customer should always be able to get his/her prescriptions and that it's ridiculous we close for 30 minutes. And then either stalk the pharmacist or stand right in front of the gate until the pharmacist opens it again.

   Complain to everyone in management that the pharmacy staff were rude to you and refused to give you your prescription and slammed the door in your face and abandoned you.

4. 3

   Our pharmacy happens to be open from 9-9 during the weekdays and 9-6 on the weekends. What time do you show up to drop off/pick up your prescription?

   8:30 in the morning, by god! I will stand there and bang on the door in 5 minute increments until I can get my pills!

   Sometime later on in the day, but well before closing time.

   Sometime after the doctor's offices have closed because that prescription you're holding? Bubba made it on his computer. His cousin Cooter signed it 'cause he's got a purty good doctor-like signature. I think we all spelled "Oxycontin" right.

   9:01 and DEMAND that the pharmacist keep the pharmacy open until all 16 of your prescriptions (dated 2 weeks ago) are filled!

5. 4

   It's the holidays and there are people everywhere. You have a full basket of groceries/gifts/assorted objects and decide to swing by to get your prescription. You have to pay for your prescription at the pharmacy, and it's obvious they're really really busy. After you get in line, do you:

   Shove people out of the way with your cart and then interrupt the pharmacist who is counseling a young mother on how to administer an antibiotic to her baby to screech out what you need?

   Wait impatiently until you get up to the counter, act like it's the pharmacy's fault that your insurance will not pay for your prescription, and then proceed to unload your cart of 60 items onto the counter, even though there are 8 people behind you?

   Sing loudly and boozily all the holiday songs you could ever remember and then hit on all the good lookin' chicks behind the counter?

   Wait until your turn and then make the transaction as smooth as possible and try to get out of the way so the next person can get what they need?

6. 5

   One of the technicians calls you to let you know the doctor called in a prescription for you but that it's not something we usually carry. We can either order it for you (it will get there the next business day), or we can possibly find it for you at another pharmacy. What do you say?

   Whatever is most convenient for you. If you want to, you can call another pharmacy. Or better yet, I can wait for it to come in tomorrow.

   You sound kind of hot. What are you wearing? And can I get my Viagra filled while you call around for that herpes medicine the doctor called in?

   WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MEDICINE! HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE IT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? *click*

   I want you to call every pharmacy in the region until you can find that medicine AND find it at the cheapest price! And I want the blue pills with the speckles, not the white ones!

7. 6

   When you come up to/call the pharmacy for whatever reason, what tone of voice do you usually take?

   Polite, occasionally witty banter. Mildly flirtatious, depending on which person you are speaking with.

   Biting causticness, rudeness, and occasional yelling.

   Wheedling and complaints.

   Smarmy, lip-licking sexual innuendo.

8. 7

   What prescription drug are you picking up?

   Viagra

   Oxycontin from that purscripshun Bubba made. Can I get the refills on it, too?

   ALL 16 OF MY MEDICATION. And while you're at it, could you personally shop for me?

   Allergy meds

9. 8

   How do you feel about the laws restricting sales of pseudoephedrine?

   It's preposterous! How dare the government infringe on our buying necessary medication? In fact, blahblahblah...

   Don't hurt me none. I got 6 different driver's licenses I can use to buy it.

   I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME.

   I understand why they're doing it. I hope it has an effect on the production/distribution/consumption of meth.

10. 9

    There are over 10 people who work at my particular pharmacy. How do you refer to us?

    "Hot drug-dealing babes"

    By our names. You think we're all great and have made an effort to personally get to know us all.

    "Stupid bitches."

11. 10

    You are having a bad day and you end up snapping at the cashier as you're picking up your items at the pick-up counter. What do you do after that?

    Snatch your items away from her after paying and storm away, running into several people as you do so.

    Leave, call back, specifically ask for that cashier and apologize.

    Stalk off after paying and then find management to tell them how you were poorly treated by the cashier.

Finished!