The "Which Member Of The Band Are You?" Test

1. 

2. Welcome friends, to my test. I've been in many bands in my day and the dynamics between members all seem to follow a pattern. So this test isn't meant to determine if your a member of a specific band, but rather to determine your role in a rock band if you were to join one. Enjoy.

3. 1

   You show up to the venue...

   Drunk

   Late

   Drunk AND Late

   On time

4. 2

   Before the show you are...

   Backstage, warming up, going over the songs in your head.

   Backstage, making out/having sex with your significant other

   Out front, making yourself known, getting as many numbers as you can, passing out the name of your hotel and room number.

   Out getting hammered, snorting, smoking or injecting your drug/drugs of choice.

5. 3

   The show starts and you are...

   The first one on stage.

   The second one on stage.

   Second to last one on stage and you try and upstage anyone coming after you.

   Waiting for the audience to become loud enough so you can enter the stage with fireworks, jet flybys and 10 minutes of thunderous applause before you even start the first song.

6. 

7. 4

   For the concert you wear...

   Something loose and comfortable so you don't get too hot under the lights.

   sunglasses 

   10 inch platforms, spiked shoulderpads, Devil horns and full body paint

   Pants so tight nothing is left to the imagination, and a  fishnet sleeveless top.

8. 

9. 5

   During the show you...

   Light yourself on fire just for the awesome factor!

   Concentrate on not messing up, being creative and performing skillfully.

   Jump into the crowd and let the adoring fans grope you!

   Let the music overtake you, zone out and just groove man...

10. 6

    Halfway through the show you most likely will...

    Spontaneously combust

    Pass out from all the alcohol/drugs.

    Go backstage to have sex with groupies while everyone else plays or sings a solo.

    Still be on stage... playing.

11. 

12. 7

    During the show you're usually  looking at...

    Fans getting naked for you in the audience.

    The floor

    Your significant other who is in the front row/just off stage

    Nobody! You're just focusing on how you can best put on a show for all the people staring at YOU!

13. 8

    Who is the most important member of the band?

    Me! And you all better not forget it!

    The drummer.

    All the members are equally important.

    Well, I am and everyone knows it, even if they don't say anything.

14. 

15. 9

    How long is your solo?

    I don't want a solo.

    Yeah right, the whole concert is my Solo!

    Five minutes

    Twenty minutes and it is EPIC!

16. 10

    The show is over. Most likely you are..

    With your significant other celebrating backstage with close friends.

    Sleeping.

    In the tour bus bangin' down groupies like its going out of style.

    At the after party, where booze flows like water, everyone is naked and the debauchery never stops!

17. 

18. 11

    When looking for someone of the opposite sex you are most attracted to...

    All of em! Quantity over quality I say!

    Only the finest of the fine. I can't soil my reputation by settling for anything less.

    I'm taken man.

    Those who are knowledgable and passionate about the music we play and life in general.

19. 12

    How often do you think the band should practice?

    Whenever. I'm not gonna show up anyways because I don't need to practice.

    Five days a week.

    Once a week is fine. Each member should practice more on their own.

    I don't care as long as there is booze/drugs there.

20. 13

    At your hotel, you come to the realization that the staff did not provide the shaved guinea pigs and green MnM's you specifically demanded be provided at every show in your contract. What do you do?

    To Hell with this city! There's no way I'm performing for these ungrateful bastards! Can't they read?

    No Big deal man.

    It's cool, we'll play the show but this hotel room is getting trashed!!

    Who's Idea was it to put that in the contract?

21. 

Finished!