The Do You Have A Huge Schlong Test

1. So, you chose to do this test, eh? This is truly a test that will tunnel deep inside the badly illuminated paths of your mind and truly find out what we're all here for: HOW BIG IS YOUR SCHLONG? Oh, and yes. Girls are more than welcome to participate - after all, who doesn't want to know HOW BIG THEIR SCHLONG IS? I'll never get tired of saying that.
2. 1

   So, how big of a schlong do you consider yourself having?

   I could kill an ARMY with this thing!

   I took this test in the hopes of YOU telling me how long it is, so... I don't really know?

   I'm still confused as to what a "schlong" is...

   The size of a shrimp. And we're not talking the big Nord Sea prawns here.

   ...

3. 2

   Which animal represents you the most of these choices?

   An elephant - Or rather, a certain portion of the elephant, if you know what I mean.

   Well, I'm a worm, of course. What did you think.

   I'm a horse, duh!

   A nice, fluffy rabbit.

   ...

4. 3

   Do the helicopter for me (Girls: wave your arms madly around while saying "chukka-chuk" sounds or just pretend)... How many things did you break?

   I was lucky, the computer survived the "nuclear bomb drop"!

   Well, Mum's sure gonna go mad when she sees that her antique vase from The Fourth Ming dynasty broke into all these pieces.

   Nothing broke, except for my energy - Stupid exercise is hard to do!

   I couldn't get it to spin, my fingers were in the way...

   ...

5. 4

   So, when you get a hard on do you need bloodtransfusions, so that your brain can still function?

   Yes, my body would surely go into shock if I did not have my stash of blood in the fridge.

   No, you STILL can't see it, really, not even in this condition. I mean, have you ever SEEN a shrimp?

   I wish! I mean, not literally, as that would be too much of a hassle during the sexual act, but...

   No, but I can feel it of course! That warm sensation...

   ...

6. 5

   Okay, last question (yes, it is a short test, deal with it): How many times did you LIE during this test? I mean, seeing as the final result can easily be manipulated with by just reading the answers through a couple of times. And try not to lie about how many times you lied. Thank you. (And I'll skip the otherwise mandatory question about how you found this quiz, if it was good and if the humour was good etc. - 'CAUSE I BLOODY HELL KNOW IT IS! So no reason to.)

   A million times. I just couldn't help myself. It's so small.

   I don't deal in lying, I mean, after all, what's the point in taking a test if you're not answering the questions frankly?

   Well, there might have snuck in one or two "doubtful truths" during the answers to make the final result look more positive...

   Well, I'm not really sure, I thought your test was weird, so I just picked some random answers. (... Right...)

   ...

Finished!