ATTN WORLD:
This is AMERICA, and I'm worried about you.
I hear you've been calling me an aggressor and a pillager, a capitalistic bastion of greed and excess. I hear you think my pilgrim sons and daughters are gluttonous and lazy, a pack of dolts and ditzes.
Well, World, you misunderstand me, and I don't quite care to understand you; however, I'm willing to make the effort to fix you, even if my help goes unappreciated.
E.g.
Indians: C'mon, Manifest Destiny wasn't that bad! You got tax exemption status, casinos and a population of crippled alcoholics. 2 out of 3 is nothing to frown about!
Latin America: "Coup" is a pretty strong word, my brown friends. The CIA prefers "bureaucratic streamlining." Besides, living next to AMERICA is like getting to sit with the cool kids at lunch. Life's not all that bad.
Tokyo & Dresden: You weren't savagely fire bombed until every last building and soul within your wretched confines melted; you were placed into the healing oven of AMERICA and purged to a delicious golden-brown. You're like the crispy fried food of City-hood now.
Iraq: Those laser guided ballistic missiles that destroyed most of your educational and medical infrastructure, well those bombs were explosions of hope. Limb-from-limb-tearing hope...
World, I know you must be very busy working on sociogreenhouse-communism 2.0 or whatever God-awful nonsense you're always trying to ship across the Atlantic, so we'll make your necessary corrections quick. I'll ask the questions, and you give me your honest answers.
