The Arbitrary Mysterious Illness Diagnostic Test

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2. Hey all ya'll sickies!  I have devised a series of seriousless symptoms, tendencies and other unrelated questions which will help me semi-unprofessionally diagnose what's mysteriously ailing you!  Don't worry, none of your answers will be considered true (even if they are!) in order to retain confidentiality and your diagnosis, though a true disease, will not apply, (unless the universe has it in for you!)... Each disease comes with a personal insult and a compliment!  Now get to it!

Cough Cough!