Scorpio

Constellations: Scorpius & Ophiuchus
Traditionally covers: October 23 - November 22
Actually covers: November 23 - November 30 (Scorpius), November 31 - December 18 (Ophiuchus)
Element: Water
Ruling Body: Formerly Pluto, Now disputed, possibly Mars


Wow... what a mess. Man, I'd hate to be a Scorpio. Not only does your constellation only cover about six or seven days, but you've also just recently lost your ruling planet. The majority of your time is actually owned by the so-called thirteenth sign "Ophiuchus - The Serpent Bearer", but after a hostile take over, Scorpius won the spot from him and Ophiuchus was voted out of the Zodiac. He must be pissed because ever since he's been making ol' Scorpio's life difficult, by giving him a ruling planet that is a tiny rock smaller than the moon on the edge of the solar-system... and now he doesn't even have that. My advice is to find another sign with better luck before someone accidentally drops a piano on your head.

Likes: Kung-Fu Movies.
Dislikes: Anything made by ACME, (anvils, rockets, etc).
Fun Fact: Scorpio is the official mascot of the International Association of Evil Ninjas (IAEN).

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...So, is this your sign? Were you born on the right day? If so, congratulations, you're one of the lucky few. If not, there are several possibilities as to why this may have occurred:

1) The dates of zodiac signs do not directly correspond to their respective constellations.
For various reasons, when the Zodiac calendar was developed, the edges of the constellations were fudged a bit to allow the sky (and therefore, year) to be divided into twelve even pieces. This made life easier for astrologers, as well as giving the signs a more even spread. In addition to this, since the signs were first established, the earth has "wobbled" somewhat, placing the constellations even further out.

2) New celestial bodies are constantly being discovered and/or reclassified.
At the time the signs were assigned their ruling bodies, Astronomers only knew of five other planets, (Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn), as well as the sun. Since then, an additional two planets have been discovered (Uranus and Neptune), as well as multiple dwarf planets, Kuiper-belt objects, and other really big things in the solar system. Furthermore, many celestial bodies, such as Pluto and Ceres were once planets, but have since been demoted to "dwarf planet" or just "big hunk of rock".

3) You're Chinese.
Or Indian. Or Native American or Babylonian or... whatever. The point is that the western Zodiac isn't the only one out there. Many other cultures have their own star signs, such as the Chinese Zodiac, which is divided into years. The Chinese Zodiac is probably the most popular, along with the western and Indian (Vedic) Zodiacs, but there are many more, including Persian-Arabic, Mesoamerican, Tibetan, Babylonian, Celtic, Kabbalistic and Germanic Runic astrologies. Try them all out, see what works for you.

4) Astrology is a load of bollocks.
If nothing else fits the bill either, then just make something up. Pick a random patch of the night sky, give it a cool sounding name and that can be your star sign. Your sign could be, for instance, Jim the Dyslexic Ninja Carrot. And because it's just for you, it doesn't need to be vague and random like most horoscopes. You could get up in the morning to go to work, check your horoscope and be stunned to read "Dude, get some milk. We're out." It's just that easy.

So thanks for playing. Tell your friends.